Before you fall in love…

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Scrap off all the fairy tale memories, that’s BS. Love deserves some decency; love should not be governed by selfish insecurities. Love drowns as much as it nourishes, love is an entangled web that is best left untouched until one’s ready. Love is not a game – or maybe it is. Some, are really good at it while others can barely get a score. Some people get it right the first time; others have to do a couple of relays. Before you fall in love, take account of the C-words; Compromise, Communication, Career Life, Choice and Contraceptives.

We live in a jungle, jumping from one stranger to another, hoping the next will be better than the rest. We are a heap of heartbroken individuals seeking to find the same ‘vibe’ in another. But honestly, what is love? Naturally, our biological set up is to grow up find mates and facilitate reproduction. And as much as I would love to tell you to follow your heart, I’d be doing you a favor by asking you to please use your brain. There’s so much to, love than delicate flowers and merrymaking; being the ying to their yang, being peas in a pod requires a lot of commitment.  WhatsApp Image 2018-04-11 at 5.04.22 AM (1)

Everyone’s bound to the illusion of a happy ever after but no one preps us for what lies in between. No one tells you when it is right to pause, when to quit, and when to fight for it. No one tells you love is pure hard work, accommodating a completely different human into your life and being happy about it. In this age and time, convenience outdoes love. These days relationships are based on who is available, who fits the description.

 

Most people tend to assume the C words that are vital to any relationship.
1. Compromise
Being in a relationship is not easy, and love isn’t either. Funny thing people are out here in relationships but not in love with each other. Here are two sets of individuals with different ambitions, different values and different ways of reasoning. It’s basic math that at some point you’ll have different approaches to a situation. Truth is we all have our good and bad sides, and at some level, we are all difficult to love, and here’s where compromise and commitment step in. Both parties have to take into account the likes and dislikes of the other and adjust accordingly. To always look for the good in every situation and replace the ‘I’ with ‘We.’ As far as you’re in a relationship, it will always be a ‘US’ situation, the sooner you get the hang of it, the better.

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2. Communication.
Your partner is not an angel; you literally have to spell out for them ‘I WANT FLOWERS!’… ‘I NEED SPACE!’ Don’t assume that your partner understands your signs. Cry if you’re sad, laugh your happy ass off, cringe with disgust and scream if you’re mad. At the end of the day you’re a team – act like one. Communicate, and what happens in a relationship remains right there. Don’t go discussing your partner with everyone, most especially don’t bad mouth your partner with your family. Eventually, you’ll forgive them, but your mother won’t.
3. Career Life.
I believe in the concept of individuality in a relationship. As much as we often adopt a character trait or two from our partners, some things are unique to one’s self like your job. Whatever it takes, keep your job, nurture your career because you never know what tomorrow holds. Money is such a tricky subject and trust me people do change, and when they do, you wouldn’t want to be the baggage.

 

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4. Choice.
Isn’t it a beautiful world where you can be anyone and anything; freedom of choice to stay or leave. Freedom to choose your partner; he or she definitely has to be the one of your choice. Never let a relationship hold you down, you have the freedom to leave at any time. It is your life.
5. Contraceptive.
This is the ultimate C-word. You have absolutely no business making another human being when you’re not ready to. Keep it locked loves. Until he literally gives you his last name, it’s never that serious!

 

Anyway, this could be us, but you’re playing!

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40 thoughts on “Before you fall in love…

  1. Anita this is awesome and it clearly makes sense. I liked it that you’ve mentioned career,.i didn’t think about it before. Keep doing this ??

  2. Wow…great piece…a lot of thinking points. And it’s true, you may eventually forgive your partner but your parents will always be like “that inconsiderate boy”..

  3. This is a wonderful piece and maybe it is good to note that when you are compromising make sure or be keen that your partner is also doing the same do not compromise too much for someone who is not willing to do the same for you.Keep doing this girl!

  4. Don’t go discussing your partner with everyone, most especially don’t bad mouth your partner with your family. Eventually, you’ll forgive them, but your mother won’t.

    well said. so true. I love this siz

  5. “As much as we often adopt a character trait or two from our partners, somethings are unique to oneself…….you can write that again and again……..You can never substitute your partner completely…..Keep writing woman……..

  6. “As much as we often adopt a character trait or two from our partners, somethings are unique to oneself…….you can write that again and again……..You can never be your partner and they can never be you……Keep writing woman……..

  7. I actually wanted to write down a simple word so as to appreciate you for all the stunning strategies you are giving out at this website. My long internet investigation has finally been rewarded with professional facts and strategies to go over with my visitors. I ‘d repeat that many of us visitors are extremely lucky to exist in a magnificent network with very many awesome professionals with useful pointers. I feel truly privileged to have encountered the site and look forward to some more enjoyable minutes reading here. Thanks a lot once more for a lot of things.

  8. Love is a Grey area… Sometimes we give love even when we don’t get it back.
    . For now, career, choices and contraceptives… Heart locked ??

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