Coming Clean!

Happy New Month! I hope this one makes more sense from the others and reality finally sets in. The best advice I have got from a friend is “God gives His toughest battle to His toughest soldiers.” I quite underestimated the power of these words but the moment I woke up feeling tired for doing absolutely nothing, when I crawled in bed and begged for inspiration, when I lost my appetite and stayed in-doors for days not answering any texts or calls, I knew I wasn’t okay. I  read suicide stories, I heard of MacMiller’s death and I questioned is sobriety was really my call. I didn’t cry, because well, tears are for the weak. I have had a massive change in emotions, something I had not quite experienced before. I hated myself for not being everything I wanted to be at this age. I hated my body, the bulges here and there that come practically out of nowhere, I hated my voice, I hated my truth. I don’t think it was depression, maybe something else, I worked just fine but deep down there was a sad growling woman. It was hard to be loved at those times, but still, I was. I know this dark howl is something many people may go through sometimes, I am not an exception, it is something I am not ashamed of. No one should. Tough times don’t last, but tough people do! It is always darkest before dawn. I find love in color again, I find happiness in the rain, and just like that, I am back like I never left! Happy New Month!

Photography of Woman Surrounded by Sunflowers


(2) Comments

  1. Winnie Tai says:

    Such realness and depth… And yes, your ability to handle certain battles in life are proof of what you’re made of. Welcome back!!!

  2. wanjiru says:

    wow…this speaks to me. love love love!!

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