Happy New Month! I hope this one makes more sense from the others and reality finally sets in. The best advice I have got from a friend is “God gives His toughest battle to His toughest soldiers.” I quite underestimated the power of these words but the moment I woke up feeling tired for doing absolutely nothing, when I crawled in bed and begged for inspiration, when I lost my appetite and stayed in-doors for days not answering any texts or calls, I knew I wasn’t okay. I read suicide stories, I heard of MacMiller’s death and I questioned is sobriety was really my call. I didn’t cry, because well, tears are for the weak. I have had a massive change in emotions, something I had not quite experienced before. I hated myself for not being everything I wanted to be at this age. I hated my body, the bulges here and there that come practically out of nowhere, I hated my voice, I hated my truth. I don’t think it was depression, maybe something else, I worked just fine but deep down there was a sad growling woman. It was hard to be loved at those times, but still, I was. I know this dark howl is something many people may go through sometimes, I am not an exception, it is something I am not ashamed of. No one should. Tough times don’t last, but tough people do! It is always darkest before dawn. I find love in color again, I find happiness in the rain, and just like that, I am back like I never left! Happy New Month!
Such realness and depth… And yes, your ability to handle certain battles in life are proof of what you’re made of. Welcome back!!!
wow…this speaks to me. love love love!!