Contemplations

I AM REACHEL…finding myself

Life has never been fair growing up, and every day I wished I was a man. Someone’s son – maybe then I’d have got the love I deserved. When I was 16, my biggest dream was to be a star. At that point, all I ever wished for was fame, huge cheques and a hot bulk of a dude- preferably Caucasian. A few years down the line, my phone is still dry, my bank doesn’t know my name, and well I realized love doesn’t choose.  However, my dreams changed, and my only goal in life is to actually live – happily. At this point of my life, I’m trying my best to remain sane and healthy.  IMG_1668_1

Growing up as an unwanted and unplanned child- life handed me quite a number of lemons, often swapping these with a hot cup of bitter coffee. My life is a miracle; my whole existence is a spectacle. I am never shy to share my story, my pains and joys alike. Life has a way of making things work out, creating a balance, a ying to your yang and a smile for very trouble.

Everyone has a limit- a limit to love, to put up with people and to be alone. And somehow we can’t escape who we are; we can’t run away from our fate or destiny. Life has never been simple. You’re either too rich, too broke, sad, heartbroken, lost or super crazy not to fit in. The funny thing is we all have our high and lows, and we choose what’s high and what’s not. I don’t believe in standards. I don’t believe in whatever society perceives as the measure; you’re a woman don’t do that,a man shouldn’t do this.

IMG_20170310_111444_993 (1)The best time to embrace who you are is now because no one knows the uncertainties of tomorrow. Love hard, laugh harder, life has a way of reflecting love right back. In finding myself I realized I am not good being alone, I need love, I need a random ‘How are you?’ and I need you. I’ve been lonely in this crowd for too long, and I’ve exhausted my fake smiles. I am making peace with Reachel just as I am Anita. The good and bad, I am learning to love me. To give a chance to me and not give up too soon. I am accepting my past as a catapult to my future; I am embracing my pain that shapes my identity. I am loving me, what’s your excuse?

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(4) Comments

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