Let go and let God!

I hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’
I hope your soul is changin’, changin’
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin’

~ Praying Keisha.

Hi! Hello! Aloha! Bonjour! 

So nice to be back, after what seemed to be a tantrum of events, lol. Today, I want to share a special piece of me with you. I have battled so many demons since I last wrote, and the worst was staring at me right in the mirror. I have sought freedom in rooms when all I should have done is find myself. Forgiveness is such a boujee word -something only the brave and emotionally wealthy have access to. I have gone through so much crap, so much that I wish me would forgive me for. I have cried, I have begged, choked on my spit trying to articulate what feelings these are. After all, we all are just mere humans.

How easy is it to let go of something? Someone? Some feeling? “Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Easier said than done. I have had such a difficult time letting of some stuff and it ends up biting my ass. But what is forgiveness? And how do you let go of so much hurt, pain and disrespect? How do you forgive someone who left you feeling nothing and severely dented. Worse still, what if this person is yourself? Every time you hold yourself back and not follow your dreams. It’s quite funny that we do know when others harm us, hurt us and the worst part is when we willing-fully allow them to do that to us — over and over again.

Last year I felt God, I experienced faith and some remarkable joy. On the morning of April 13^th, I lost my sweet grandma. To say I was shattered is definitely downplaying it. For some weird reason grieving gave me joy. Unspeakable joy. Every time I remember my Ninja Eunice, I remember her zeal, her self- awareness, her courage, her no-nonsense attitude and how she would command any room she walked into. Everything I know about life, men and money – believe it she taught me. She taught me how to always have a firm handshake and look people in the eyes. How to not sell myself short and how to love myself. So yes, very many months later, I wish to forgive myself publicly for not being who she taught me to be. For nor pursuing my dreams with much vigor, for not being me. 

Just as I walk myself to forgiveness and finding my peace, I hope you find yourself. I resented so many people for not being there for me when I did not even show up for myself. I am so happy to have found my voice again, to be typing with so much joy. 

Now let me re-introduce myself. I am Reachel Anita. A lover of art and a creator of beautiful words. I am a wonderful wife, a godmum to four kids and a cat mom!

So please my dear readers, forgive me. Forgive me for not understanding, for not appreciating myself enough, for not thinking I am good enough, for losing hope just before it was dawn. As you read this, I beg you to forgive yourself. To let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore and to trust the process for what is to come. Thank you, for being here. I will stay this time, I promise.  Be kind. Kick ass.