“You think I’m just a doll. A doll that’s pink and light. A doll you can arrange any way you like. You’re wrong. Very wrong. What you think of me is only a ghost of time. I am dangerous. And I will show you just how dark I can be.” – Harley Quinn.
Everyone yearns to be loved, or to at least get consumed by some emotion – well, at least the higher percentage of us. The biggest mistake most make is confuse love for infatuation or just mere obsession. Even worse, mix up lust with love. When feelings get confused, expectations are not met, the entire thing becomes a mess. And then, humans frantically become other beings.
Well, love is…a heavy word. The concept of what it is to love someone varies from one individual to another. I have experienced one great love in my life so far, and it hasn’t been a bed of roses. Love is patient, love is kind; it is very intentional. My most direct illustration would be men in particular with their cars. Men love their cars, and would not intentionally dent them. I love my food and wouldn’t let it intentionally go bad. No one loves another person and intentionally hurts them. It is impossible to hurt the person you love because it will hurt you even more. There’s no two ways, with love there’s no buts, no second options. That’s why ironically, some people would rather hurt themselves than hurt the person they love. Now that’s the risk with love, it consumes, it’s unexplainable. It makes one do things that are beyond reason, because if it’s not crazy is it really love? Love might undergo trials and all sorts of predicament but even if two are separated they will still find their way to each other. I repeat, it is impossible to intentionally hurt the person you love. You’d rather have them hurt you. Because when you love someone, their happiness is what matters most, even if it overshadows yours. The innocence of love; like a moth to a flame or a child to a popsicle can be easily tainted. With love comes commitment and compromise of equal measure.
Infatuation is like fire; it catches on real quick and withers off just as fast. With infatuation, unlike love, there is a reason to offer compassion or to basically, care. When a person is infatuated they have particular things to love the other party for. It maybe the good looks, or a specific body part or even simply how they talk. The problem with infatuation is that you can’t keep it going on for too long because no one is perfect and flaws will always pop up at anytime. This typically happens during the first three months of a relationship and when the imperfections start to set in and no one’s pretending anymore then one foot’s out the door.
Personally, obsession is the scariest one for me. This is when one party is beyond convinced that they own the other and might be in an imaginary relationship with the other. This is mostly the reason behind toxic relationships. One cannot possess another, we are human beings for crying out loud. When a person is obsessed they are at the verge of crazy and would do anything and everything to be with the other. The ‘If I can’t have you, nobody else will’ reasoning is well rooted here. Obsession has nothing to do with affection but rather the achievement of personal needs. It is quite sad that a person can even kill another just because they didn’t reciprocate the ‘love’. Obsession is sickening because apart from filing police reports and trying to avoid the other party, there’s really no other way to get off it as the targeted person. The funny thing about obsession is that the obsessed person degrades the other to basically a thing. A thing they can control, a thing they can toss around and use as they please. Sadly the ‘thing’ might not be aware of the charade and might end up hurt or worse dead.
Now this is a fun one. Lust is the inflation of sexual urge or sense of intimacy to another. Lust is the most confused emotion for love. Lust is the trickiest of them all. Because someone can stay in a relationship for years, just to get that one night of indulgence and vanish thereafter. Just because someone gets intimate with you doesn’t mean they love you, celibate couples succeed in this dating life and they’re the best example of sex does not equate love.
This is a natural reaction to unreciprocated feelings or unwanted outcome. When they say love drives you crazy – this is the exact emotion being described. I’ve been angry,at some point you may have been angry because the love or lust or whatever you exude is not being appreciated by the intended party. There’s a time I could’ve sworn to hurt someone because of how bad they hurt me but again you can never be mad for too long at someone you love. Anger is such a delicate yet infuriating emotion. A split second one can go from ‘I can handle this’ to complete psycho. I don’t blame anyone for being angry because of the frustration that develops from it but every action should be accounted for and violence is inexcusable. Period.
Relationships evolve and they may or may not workout. Lust might grow to love, obsession might turn to infatuation and wither off. Whether Bonnie and Clyde, Harley Quinn and Joker or Lauren and Nipsey, we all have different approaches to these emotions after all don’t we all deserve some lovin’?