Maiden Glory

Love Shouldn’t Hurt.

If you’re looking for a sign to leave that abusive spouse; this is it! A century ago, women – and I solely write this with so much love – did not have an opinion. We were meant to be seen and not heard. To sire babies and to practically worship the ground men walked on. Fast-forward and a few years later, women empowerment became the plug. This time women know what they want, we have a voice and clearly use it to the very maximum. What breaks my heart, however, is what goes on behind closed doors. Gender Based Violence seems to get worse with time. This façade of strength might force some of us not to seek help even when we most need it.

Person Wearing Rope on Hands
Growing up, I experienced abusive relationships practically everywhere around me: at home, on the news, one of the crazy neighbors and now it is a social media fiasco. Before it used to be “I can’t leave him, he is all I have. Where will I go?” Sadly this has transited to, “I left him, and he couldn’t take it.” It so sad that what used to happen in enclosed spaces now occurs in daylight, and still the victims are to blame. I still do not understand what sort of sickening perception men have of women. Not all men, but again as per my last blog ‘A good man is hard to find.’  If it isn’t rape, we have to deal with femicide, if not there’s this marriage block, the glass ceiling, the bareness the list goes on and on. Being a woman is now resonating as an extreme sport. Only when it happens your sister/mother/daughter that it actually stops being a social media fiasco and an actual problem. This has to stop.

As you know, the month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Most stories consist
Relationships are really tough these days, it’s tough to find people who are genuinely sincere with their intentions. Everyone has some sort of made up ‘perfect’ scenario of how things should go down and when this is not achieved, one crazy party decides to take matters to their own hands. The things that used to be red flags when I started dating are now deal breakers. When your partner slaps you, you have the right to walk out. I do not buy the ‘I’m sorry baby, you really pushed me.’ See what was done there? Instead of accepting the mistake they pin it on the victim and guess who says sorry? It’s beyond me, I can’t fully fathom how hurting someone reflects one’s love for them. It literally makes no sense. Would you intentionally dent your car in admiration? Hell, No!
I am now baffled, we get battered in relationships when we leave we get murdered in broad daylight. Something is wrong. I am not saying all women are right, yes we might be crazy but there are amicable ways of solving things. But again, why do we need to justify murder with such pretense? My heart goes out to all families – including my own who have lost daughters, sisters, and mothers to domestic violence.

love shouldn't hurt-printed on back of woman

A man who loves you will never hurt you, even when you leave he’ll accept your happiness because what matters to him is that you’re happy. Same goes for the woman too. The concept of owning someone to the extent of taking their lives is merely sadistic, and the person in question needs professional mental health help.  It starts off with verbal abuse, then emotional and physical abuse quickly follow making it a vicious cycle with no end.Do not assume the signs, and seek help. Get out when you still can.I know it is easier said than done but we all can definitely do better!


(9) Comments

  1. Gloria says:

    It’s a sad world. I am a survivor of emotional torture I know it’s tough

  2. VIOLA OBURA says:

    Love definitely shouldn’t hurt. I’ve never understood how physical, emotional and mental abuse translate into expressions of love. my heart goes out to those who are going through or have gone through GBV

  3. Faith Robina says:

    This is a true reflection if what happens in our society. I am tired of seen women and men as well preserve abuse in any form just because they feel helpless. I am also saddened at how social media demonize the victims and people just running their mouths about it is her fault she shouldn’t have done this and that.
    It is disheartening that things seem to be getting worse. People should accept rejection amicably and even though they might have been hurt, I still strongly believe that no body has the right to play God and take away another person’s life.

    Thanks Anita for sharing this piece. Please write more on such issues and I hope so many people get to read them and share.

    1. Anita says:

      Thanks Faith.

  4. Mitchelle Amenya says:

    when it get’s to violence it clearly stops being called love…maybe slavery and love ain’t no slavery. Preach sister

  5. Megh says:

    Every true and more teaching from the story
    Kindly share the link of the story so that I can share

    1. Anita says:

      Thanks for reading Megh…

  6. Babe this is the sad world we live in. It is better to love yourself until the end, than to allow a monster to pretend to love you. This breaks me.

  7. Naomi says:

    These are sad truths that very few are talking about. Ladies have to understand that sometimes this ‘strength’ we claim to have is meant to help us put ourselves first, especially when these men we tend to call ‘lovers’ become a nuisance. Leaving an abuse relationship needs strength and there is definitely no shame in walking out. Deep stuff ??Good job Anita?

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